‘Out the Window’ in the Age of the Coronavirus

I have what can only be called an “e-version.”

Well, I mean an aversion.

I have an aversion to reading digital books.

I am not a fan of e-editions.

In the era of the coronavirus — when almost everything we know, in the immortal words of Sugar Ray, “has gone out the window” — many publishers want me to take a look at a version of a novel or story collection/anthology that is anything but printed.

While even the most basic of things are denied to most of us – going shopping without a mask, eating out with friends and family, taking in a movie, all the things we of course took for granted pre-COVID-19 – everybody wants us to adapt to the “new normal.”

The new normal? I detest it.

I cannot get used to the paperless publishing. I want my hard- or softcover printed book!

This aversion I speak about is that, when I attempt to get a printed book, publishers want to send me a mobi or e-pub. Or a PDF.

I want to throw those out the window.

I hate reading long-form works on e-devices. Good novels are just not meant for an e-phone. I am not e-mpathetic to digital devices when it comes to reading.

I am e-verse to e-versions.

I simply DETEST e-reading.

How can you enjoy reading anything on something the size of your wallet? When you have to hope you pushed the right arrow to turn a page? When you are not waiting for the system to load a behavior-targeted advertisement for you?

I want my books larger than life, shouting to me in big type and printed with great binding on paper that I can read in stark sunlight.

I don’t want to push buttons, worry about battery power, move cursors or get past behavior ads to get to my reading.

Forget the e-readers. You won’t find me e-reading anytime soon.

I don’t think I am a Luddite. I enjoy what technology brings: except to some things.

There are times I miss typing away on a good Columbia manual typewriter. Harlan Ellison used to complain that he would never use a damned computer to write because he couldn’t stand the sight of a blinking cursor.

You’re right, Harlan.

I won’t be intimidated by what Harlan referred to as “noise.”

The noise of e-editions.